app for that.

“Since his diagnosis as bipolar in 2002, computer consultant Adrian Cunanan has worked hard to learn to regulate his mood swings through medication, meditation, exercise and careful sleep monitoring.

“After years of denial, I was able to accept the diagnosis and then persevere through the process of learning to both manage and thrive in life despite the condition,” he reports.

Now, he wants to help others facing mood disorders thrive as well. His Brooklyn-based startup, ThriveStreams, has just released its first product, an app that takes a gamified approach to mood tracking for those with conditions such as depression and bipolar disorder, an illness with alarmingly high suicide rates, according to many statistics.

The free app for iOS, ThriveTracker, collects user data on activities such as meditation, exercise and journaling, as well as therapy attendance and quality and amount of sleep. Users who check in consistently can earn rewards such as product samples, gift cards and MP3 downloads, redeemed through a third-party rewards provider, Kiip. They can even earn rewards for checking in with the app daily.”

Read the full article here.

Back to Borderline.

“The urge was addictive, and I couldn’t think of anything else but ending my life. The ability to see how my death would hurt others was lost to me, and I still don’t quite know why I went back home after two hours. I stopped being angry, I think.

I have never considered suicide when depressed; even thinking about it would be too much effort in that situation. However, anger and panic are what drive me to think such thoughts, to harm myself, to chain-smoke and take more pills than I should. Any type of fear sends me into a blind panic; I just don’t know how to deal with the emotions. Or any emotion, really.”

From Halfway Between the Gutter.

While my therapist/psychiatrist and I established that I do not, clinically, have Borderline Personality Disorder (a constant nagging fear of which haunts me with surprising regularity), I definitely DO exhibit some serious BPD traits.  The above quote from HBG was like a lightbulb for me: it’s not depression that makes me think life is worthless, it’s anger and fear!  I’ve discussed my inability to name my emotions before, and with this new insight I feel like I have one more glimpse into the dysregulated organ that is my brain. Now to determine if I’m actually angry in these situations, or if it’s all a manifestation of fear. Specifically, the fear of being betrayed. Well, of being betrayed and not knowing about it. But still.

New goal: let’s separate the three emotions and figure out a better way to respond.  Like, now.  Actually like, two weeks ago would be nice. But you can’t undo the past, right? Dang it. #dbt.

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More privilege.


“Also, let me be blunt about this: I think there’s a relatively small but non-trivial number of people arguing the wealth/class thing who believe that if they can only and simply make this all about wealth and class, then they can flat-out deny (or at least hugely mitigate) the idea that the US in particular still has issues with race, sexuality and gender, and that directly related to that, they have unearned advantages as straight white males. Well, that’s just stupid, and I’m not in the least inclined to indulge these folks in their particular fantasy.”  -John Scalzi, from his follow-up to Straight White Males: the Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is.

Also, check out the facts at Facts Are Cool by Jim C. Hines.

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Jesus, mostly / says, no …

Originally posted on was Pownce:

Jesus, mostly / says, no …

View original


The dirty word. I’m reading an article on Buzzfeed (I know right?) and finding that some of these comments are really helpful in explaining white privilege to white people.  Not that they hear it, if they haven’t already decided they have some element of privilege that other people do not enjoy.  Anyway, no need for my input.  I’m just saving some of these quotes….here.

“Funny thing, when I grew up I thought we were poor, and had a “hard” life. Looking back though I realize I was privileged just to have both parents that gave a shit about my education, and still send me money to help pay for stuff. And even though I didn’t go to a rich school, I still had teachers that could work closely with students, and we had a library, a computer lab, a laptop cart, and even AP classes, and other stuff. Not to mention I can walk by a cop and not be afraid that I’m going to get stopped, or get on a bus and be left a lone and not be told “you’d look prettier with a smile”. And I can hold my girlfriends hand in public and be left alone. The only thing really hard in my life was learning to realize that I didn’t have that bad of a life, and maybe, just maybe, I had a little extra help because of things I had no control over.” -A. Smith

“A quick note on privilige [sic] for those whose feathers it ruffles. Prvilige is unearned, that is not to say that it is undeserved. If, as a man, a potential employer does not ask me if my family duties will effect my job performance that is a privilige. It is a privilige because it a luxury that I enjoy, or more accurately ignore, because of my gender. It is not that I should not be afforded that luxury, simply that I did nothing to earn it that my female counterpoint did not.” -R. Eusebio

“The problem is that privilege is a defined rhetoric in our society: IF you are a white male apparently you are going to be the richest person in the world by association. I mean look at me. I’m a white male so therefore I should be swimming in money Scrooge McDuck (another white male) style.

You look at me and you see that I am white and a male. You automatically believe that I have not had my share of troubles. That I have not had any “hardship” in life because I was born this way. You believe that I have every opportunity to succeed in the world and that the color of my skin and the genitals between my legs predict that I will have no issues leading an easy life.

The definition of privilege is as follows: a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people.

I am a male. I have a higher chance of being in thrown in prison for longer sentencing than women for the same crime. I am a male. I have the highest chance of never seeing my kids again if I become divorced. I am a male. I have a shorter life expectancy than women. I am a male. I have a much higher chance of being murdered on the street in a random attack. I am a male. I have a much higher chance of dying on the job because my gender HAS to work the dangerous jobs that women do not apply for. I am a male. Even under the influences of alcohol I am held responsible for every action I take, especially if it is in the same proximity of a drunk or sober woman.

I am white. I have the highest suicide rate of all men and women of any race put together. I am white. I am expected to not only shoulder my problems, but shoulder the problems of minorities of whom have Affirmative Action and other laws that give them special privileges and rights. I am white. I am instantly vilified for my opinion against another person if they of a different color. Their actions dictate what I think of them, but if I do not automatically accept them I am branded a title that tries to shame me into accepting them as a person, even if they have wronged me. Yes, there is privilege in the world, but not one single class has it. Every gender and race has their own set of privileges. We are just too blind as a nation to realize it and paint white men as the monsters.”

           Reply to the above: “You have it completely backwards. no one assumes that “because you’re a white male you should be swimming in money.” however, it would be safe to assume that you don’t worry about being targeted by police for “fitting a description”. If you’re in a well-to-do neighborhood, you probably dont have to worry about having someone calling the police on you because you don’t look like you would live in that area. you probably don’t feel the need to always travel in a group just in case someone tries to overpower and take advantage of you. if you’re straight, you dont have to worry about someone attacking you because of who you’re attracted to. if you’re cisgendered, you dont have to worry about being fired or not getting a job because of your gender expression. Youre right when you say “there is privilege in the world, but not one single class has it.” checking your own privilege is not about other people thinking you have it “easy”, it’s about YOU recognizing that other have a struggle that you never even have to think about (which, clearly, you aren’t) because of who they are.” -C. L. Edmond

“It’s more complex than just black or white or poor or rich. It is intersectionality and summation of experiences and recognizing that the kid with only one parent who talks smack about him everyday and doesn’t believe in him is going to have to push himself extra hard to want to finish his homework, while you have already been instilled with the knowledge that you know you can(even though you both have the same intellect) and don’t think twice about not being good enough to care about homework.” – A. Garcia

“I really like that you wrote this, because too many minorities think that if you’re white you’ve automatically had a suburban/middle class/two parents and a dog kind of life. That’ s just not everyone’s reality. And I respect the fact that you’ve had to work to get yourself to a good place, because no one handed it to you. For you, I think where ‘privilege’ would come in is that you were ALLOWED to show that you could work hard. There have been studies that have shown that employers will choose a white man with a high school diploma over a black man with a college degree, even when both have the same experience. Because you’re white, it is assumed that you’re a good, hard working man, just trying to take care of his family. People with brown skin aren’t automatically given that. Black men are rarely assumed to be hard working fathers, trying to provide for their families (no matter how they’re dressed or how well spoken they are).” -C. Bennett

“I have been giving this some more thought, and I saw that a lot of people are still complaining because they think that this means they have to carry someone else’s burden of underprivilege. You could live life in pursuit of your own happiness and not give a single bother about anyone else’s struggle, but that plays into an unfair system, and outdated system, a system that could be changed if every did give a bother. That enforces and encourage a system that your family could suffer in/from. In my opinion, nothing ever gets to be equal, but these are the problems that push our morality and ethics. Aren’t they? Would you help someone while their down if you don’t know them? Would you take the opportunity to help a whole class/race/gender/situation of people? I don’t know. I would. I can’t say it would be wrong not to, and certainly there could be reasonable excuses not to, but they don’t negate the ethical reasons. With or without realizing, this forces you to question your purpose in life and the purpose of life.” -A. Garcia

“A slight understanding of imperialism, colonialism and Western societies’ structure would make the concept of the privileged self-evident. The power force of men over women and caucasian over other nations (in Western countries and many ex-colonies) has been incrusted in History and in societies as a whole. It really isn’t something up for debate, it’s a fact that can be simply verified with depictions of women and darker-skinned cultures historically, socially and in media like advertisement (both in the past and even still today – an example is how darker-skinned people are still fetishized as being exotic to sell whatever). There’s also the fact that various powerful boards that have ridiculously huge influence have an homogenous pool of members. It isn’t hard to grasp for anyone part of this group: it isn’t that you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, but that historically people in your group are predominant in the “elite” which decides a societies’ structure (and which ensures it STAYS the elite through said structure). I think the sudden backlash toward “privileged white men” is a result of the increasing realization of that historical fact. But even with our collective increasing open-mindedness (very loose term as ideologies vary greatly across the globe), it doesn’t change the fact that the world’s structure is already in place and that people (or rather groups) in power will stay there as long as our economic model endures. Likewise, perception of groups will stay as is as long as History keeps belittling cultures that aren’t “civilized” (from a modern perspective) and as we keep assimilating them to the capitalist model (as happened with colonization). But there’s so much industrialism the Earth can take before it goes boom.” -D. Herard 

As promised, the original post/infographic can be seen on Buzzfeed.  Click here to check it out for yourself!

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one’s in the grave and the other should be.

You rock back and forth as the seasons
Change just like your mind in the dark
And the nights you sleep, you dream of me
And the love you let die

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I want to be adored.  Others have adored me, but they have not seen me.  I believed if they saw me, they wouldn’t love me.  But I still craved being seen, being known.  Others have not had beautiful voices.  But they have sung me to sleep, left voicemails with snippets of songs that reminded them of me.  You have the most beautiful voice.  But you do not sing for me.  You sing for thousands of others, you sing for your friends and your family.  But not for me. You saw me, and you loved me.  You don’t see me now.  I crave being known, and you do not know me. I crave being adored, but you overlook me.

never gets old.

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Don’t want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can’t break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you… After all,
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

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Sometimes when you’ve made so many wrong decisions that you’d rather kill yourself than live one more minute being unable to change the past.

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yes yes yes.

“Do you ever struggle to ID your emotions?

I don’t want CBT strategies right now, I just want someone to tell me what mood I’m in from time to time.”

From the Blahpolar Diaries.

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