BPD. What does it mean to you? Depending on your own personal experiences the acronym (in the context of mental health work, obviously) probably brings up one of two things: bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. I used to think we only used “BPD” to describe borderline patients, but I’ve seen it used many times to reflect the mood disorder as well. Which is interesting, because the two are often inextricably linked, and developing an accurate diagnosis of one or the other takes careful and measured observation over a long period of time.
I believe I have BPD in addition to my BPD. Borderline. The “bad” one. Everyone tells me I don’t, but it’s one of my greatest fears – that I’m “borderline” and don’t know it. That I’m borderline and can’t get help. That I’m borderline and I’ll always be this way, this dysregulated, crazy person that has to work SO hard to be normal and that meds don’t touch. I mean, meds work for me, they do. But my mood cycles are still beyond anything categorized by the DSMs. I still work my ass off daily to try to function within my relationships. And so here it is. I’m probably borderline.