I’m not good at very much: I wasn’t very good at ballet, and I wasn’t very good at being a girlfriend, but for a time, I was good at being skinny and that felt really, really good.

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2 thoughts on “ana.

  1. blahpolar says:

    That seems to be a tough issue to kick – how did you get through it?

  2. bipolar one, real life two. says:

    Oh my gosh, it’s nearly impossible. I moved across the world to a place where people enjoyed food for food – not as comfort, not counting calories, not as the only way to get people together, not out of boredom. The food was fresh, prepared well, and delicious, and I learned to eat for the sake of nourishment and pleasure (as opposed to because someone made me). There were no full-body mirrors where I lived, and no scales. I still worked out and walked everywhere, but I gained weight…and I was okay. I knew that the food I had been putting into my body was not the enemy, that I enjoyed every pound. Somehow the balance inside me was shifted; the weight became worth it and the food lost control of me. I still struggle. I can’t/don’t diet because I love the feeling of starving. People get worried when I lose weight or skip meals. But I’m healthy and I’m strong. I eat enough to sustain my workouts, and I don’t workout if I haven’t eaten enough. I’ve found other ways to feel like I’m in control of my life, including but not limited to my psychiatrist/therapist helping me keep my balance. And the major factor I’m still working on daily: being okay with not always being in control!

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