It’s getting really difficult to not be the girl on the side.
For a long time, I was always someone’s sidepiece.
I liked it. So many men, so many wives. One me. No drama, no jealousy, just…us.
You can never lose as the girl on the side. He will always go back to his girlfriend/fiance/wife. It’s a given; he will never choose you in the end.
Which is the point.
It’s not rejection if you were never really there in the first place.
And it feels nice.
“My gf would never do that…”
“I wish my wife would do this…”
“You’re so sexy.”
“I want you.”
When no one is saying, “I love you,” it’s really easy to let “I want you” fill the gap.
I have a gap right now.
And I have the men.
Where is your girlfriend.
“What, I can’t flirt with you now?”
That’s what I thought.
“I want you.”
Oh how I want to be wanted. To curl up in that place where I’m needed, even if just for that. To feel the warmth of someone’s skin on mine, even for the night.
But I remind myself. That the gap is still there. In the morning. When he is gone.
That what I really want is someone to watch Netflix with me.
I remind myself what betrayal feels like.
I hate to say how hard it is to refuse to be the other woman. It should be easy! The right thing to do. But I have to remember, or else I forget.
Feeling good for a minute. Is it better than the alternative?
We’ve been down this road so many times.
Do it differently this time, girl.