Category Archives: inspiration

freakin weekend

I had the BEST weekend with my brothers. We are split all over the world so we don’t get to be together in one place very often. The last two times have been around Christmas, anyway, so it’s juggling a ton of family/friends/traditions/etc. This weekend was impromptu and completely obligation-free.

It was perfect.

They are so smart, so so hilarious. Way too cool for me…way too cool for a lot of people ha. I loved watching the way the middle one, the one who lives on the other side of the globe, liked to make the younger one laugh.

I loved that he is getting wrinkles around his eyes and they are the biggest laugh lines you could ever start to have at 29.

I loved getting to listen to them and our dad, saying the funniest things and dumbest dad-jokes and smartest commentary. They’re witty, but they’re more than witty. I can’t explain it, I wish I could because when I talk about how smart they are and how well-read they are and how much they remember and how much they know, they sound so boring. They’re the opposite of boring. They’re…I just don’t know. People who know them know they are lucky to have them. I know it times a million, because I know if I wasn’t related I’d never be cool enough to hang out with them. I’m definitely not as smart as them, I’ve always said that. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not dumb. But I think so differently than they do, and I don’t remember things like they do. I definitely don’t pay attention to or understand the world in the way they do.

Of course I hated to leave, and I’ve spiraled in the ensuing 24 hours.

While I was relishing the time with them I kept thinking, This is the kind of energy I want around me, why can’t I have them all the time, why can’t at least two of us be in the same place! Then I wondered what the man would look like who could fit in with these men.  Who is the man that I could bring home to them and be accepted and respected?

And then I suddenly realized. I don’t have that man – I won’t have that man – because I’m not smart like they are. I’ll never bring home someone who would fit in because that person won’t be interested in me. 

I haven’t laughed as much as I did this weekend in YEARS.

I want more.

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this though.

Thank you for this comment:

“It’s taken years to put the nesting dolls of this breakup back together. And there are times when you’ve take it back apart to look at all the pieces again. But at some point you get faster with reassembling it. And at some point it sits on the shelf longer and longer before you pull it down again.
Here’s hoping you can soon move it to the top shelf where you can glance at it from afar to make room for other things closer to you. Like a momento from a trip taken long ago, where memories are there in the surrounding space of other souvenirs of adventures long ago.
Here’s hoping the picture frames on your shelf are soon filled with beautiful images of your current life: photos of those who love you, those you love, and times you cherish.”

Day by day by day by day.

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can I do this again?

“Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance.  It’s about what you live for.  It’s about what defines you.  It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique.  It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly.  It’s about those little quirks that make you, you.  People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever.  But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.”

 

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monday.

Lately everything I try to say I find has already been said but in much better words. Came here to post, and at the top of my feed was this post from Michelle Bloom. Amazing words of truth and growth.

 just because a relationship ends or is messy and hurtful, does not mean it was wrong, does not mean your instincts were off.  we are not just here to experience happily ever after.  that’s the lie.  we are here to engage in messy mistake ridden unions so that we learn how to love better.  every man i have loved, i have loved with all my heart.  and when i broke it off or he did, it’s cause it was not right to continue.  it was not a mistake.  there is only the feeling of mistake.  and this feeling is to be used to grow.

Grateful someone else is pondering things on this chilly October day – a beautiful chill here in NYC. Beautiful, painful, chill.

“I don’t want to fake my way into it or try to make it happen with a crumb giver, anymore.”

Truth. A crumb is better than nothing except that it isn’t.

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happiness.

When you reach the point that you can appreciate the wonder in every one of your feelings, you will start realizing that there is more to life than just “happiness.” Every part of it has its wonders. What’s better than “happiness” is fascination, and interest, and commitment to maintaining light and love within yourself. Every situation is dimensional, and when you start realizing the possibility in any given situation, you will start understanding what it means to be alive.

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perfect.

“It took me 25 years to figure out I was bipolar rather than some cross between a banana slug and a fireworks show. They say you can’t appreciate the highs without having the lows. I guarantee that I can appreciate the shit out of the highs.”

(Bill McCurry)

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complete mess.

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes.  To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

Cynthia Occelli 

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anyone know who said this?

Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully.  It is who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life.  It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second. 

I don’t even believe in soulmates. But thank you for marking the before and after of my life.  I don’t want an after, after you.

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truth.

I will continue to ride the waves of madness
adapting and adjusting to the sea of life
I would never cut it short
Because I am the sailor
and this is my damn voyage.

From Breakdown.

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isn’t life a ball?

When you’re looking for something

Everything’s a sign

That rock you see is suddenly the mountain to climb

And anything is everything when nothing’s in sight

But the world shows you nothing

Till the timing’s right.

 

When you’re looking for someone

Anyone will do

As long as they’re someone who cares

And waits around for you

And anyone is everyone when no one’s around

But the world owes you nothing

If you settle down

 

So patiently, I’ll wait for thee

As up and down I fall

If patiently you’ll wait for me

Black and blues and all.

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