Tag Archives: heartbreak

Newest Worst Thing

They’re on MY square. My hometown. The exact place I got engaged, at a festival I wanted to attend but I wasn’t in town.

Yes, I could stop stalking them.

And I do! For days at a time. And then I wake up and torture myself.

BUT guys.

I’m not so nauseated today. I honestly think he and I are moving on at the same time, same pace. And that’s a good, good thing (the timing, I mean). We had such a good conversation about everything not too long ago. I didn’t think there was anything left to talk about, but there was, and it helped. I guess.

Because I met someone. Someone normal, normal looking, age-appropriate, kind of wonderful and kind of an asshole (a good balance I promise), who does nice things and it doesn’t make me cringe, and to whom I am attracted.

It’s been two years and that has NEVER happened. People are nice to me and I run away. I like their minds but can’t stand the thought of anything physical. I want them physically but there’s nothing else there.

So maybe I’ve finally found my rebound?

The part that sucks is that he’s moving on with someone nearby, on my square, and I’m moving on with someone….who lives on the other side of the world. Three months from now he’ll leave this place, likely never to return. Fingers crossed it’s a rebound and not real feelings, please and thank you.

Oh my heart. Just get it together, already.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Livejournal Question of the Day

“We all know the saying, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” But do you believe in that? If you knew it was going to end badly, with your heart broken, would you avoid the relationship to begin with?”


Tagged , , , , , , , ,

it never stops.

Today I worked out, and I thought of that time at the gym in your town when you were so proud to have me there.

Today our friends got married, and I thought of you and how we were so excited they got together and how they helped connect us when we were so far apart.

Today your friends sang without you, and I thought of that time you called me from stage to let me know you won and then you all came to visit and let me be a part of everything for awhile.

Today I accidentally liked some pictures taken by the girl you loved for a moment even while you loved me, and I thought of you.

Today I walked the dog, and I thought of you.

Today I rode the train and I thought of you.

Today I thought of you.

And how

You’re built in to every second of my day, my night, my dreams, the place in between awake and asleep where you are always there and always not there and it hurts the same way every time because it feels so damn good.

Today was today

and every day

isn’t it funny

the same.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

more lessons from Honduras

I did the worst thing I could ever do. I fell in love. 

I wish I could have been born without a heart, only a brain. The brain just stops thinking when the heart gets involved.

Tagged , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: